


After

by goldfishsunglasses



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 22:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4852682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldfishsunglasses/pseuds/goldfishsunglasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is giving his first interview since Phil's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry

Dan closed his eyes and attempted to steady his breathing. He regretted agreeing to this interview, but he knew he owed their fans--his fans now--some answers. He settled into the chair, and looked steadily at the reporter.

"I'm ready to begin."

“Right, okay then, let's start."

She glanced down at her note cards.

"So, this is your first public appearance since the death of Phil Lester, is that correct?"

Dan nodded numbly. He had expected these questions, but that didn't lessen the sting. The reporter stared at him expectantly, and he realized he was supposed to give an actual answer.

"Yes."

"And his death was...unexpected?"

Dan chuckled darkly.

"Well, nobody really expects an aneurysm, now do they?"

The reporter looked uncomfortable. Dan wished Phil was here, he was so much better at this kind of stuff. But he wasn't. He was gone and Dan had to continue without him and he couldn't he just couldn't. He realized the reporter was talking to him, and snapped out of his spiral.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?"

"I said how long had you known Mr. Lester?"

"Phil." He said automatically.

"Okay, how long had you known Phil?"

"I basically met him as AmazingPhil. I was just a lost and confused kid spending my gap year dicking around on the Internet, spending way too much time watching YouTube. I started replying to his tweets, and he started answering me, and soon we were skypeing and talking almost constantly. For the first time in my life I had a best friend, someone who thought of me as their best friend too, and it was amazing. The day we met in person was one of the happiest days of my life. He had an entire day planned for us, and it was magical. I made the trip to Manchester several more times in the coming months, and that caused some tension with my parents, especially when I decided to attend university there. They were worried that I was making the decision based on Phil, and looking back, I suppose I did. But I was a stubborn teenager and I insisted that I wanted to study law, despite my passions in other areas."

He took a deep breath, and felt his eyes start to water. He blinked back the tears and the reporter took his momentary silence as an opportunity to ask their next question.

"And he was the one who inspired you to start YouTube?"

"Yes, I had always wanted to be the kind of person to make YouTube videos, but I was never confident enough. Phil gave me the courage I needed to start posting, and here we are."

"Here we are indeed. Did you ever think you would end up here, with 5 million subscribers, a radio show, and a tour?"

"No, I didn't. Without Phil I would not have any of those things. He literally changed my life, and I am so lucky that I got the chance to know him."

"Do you have anything to say to the fans who were upset about the tour tickets they had purchased?"

Dan looked straight at the camera.

"They will get refunds, but they also need to remember this is a time of mourning. We--I am very sorry they did not get to see the tour they were promised, but, like I said, this was an unexpected tragedy."

“You have no plans to continue tour on your own?”

“Of course not,” Dan scoffed, “it was our dream, our vision. I couldn’t do it without Phil.”

“What about your radio show?”

“Same deal.”

“And your YouTube channel? are you giving that up to?”

“Yes.”

“And what will you do now?”

“Honestly? I have enough money that I could retire right now, and that’s my plan. I know Phil would have probably wanted me to continue on, for him, and I’m sorry to say I just can’t do that.” He said.

“Well I’m sure your fans will be sorry to see you go.”

Dan nodded.

“I’m sorry, guys,” he looked at the camera, “I hope you understand.”

"Now the fans had a little habit of "shipping"--is that the word?"

Dan nodded curtly, dreading what was coming next, 

"They "shipped" you two together, romantically, yes?"

Dan nodded again, a lump forming in his throat.

"Was there any truth behind the speculation?"

Dan simultaneously wanted to roll his eyes and run away. Now was the moment the fans had been waiting for. Too bad it took Phil dying for them to finally get their answer.

"Yes. Yes it was true. Are you happy? Yes, we were together, we were engaged, is that what you wanted to know? I just lost the love of my life, and you want to know if phan was real? Yes, yes it was. Even during 2012 when it seemed like nothing would be okay again. When more and more people were questioning our personal lives and it all became too much and it almost broke us. It was real then and it was real the day Phil proposed to me in Japan. And it was most definitely real the day I came home to find my future husband lying on the floor of our kitchen, dead. It was real the day I attended his funeral and buried him," he was practically shouting now, "phan was real, phan was real, PHAN WAS  
REAL!"

The reporter stared at him in shock. The studio was silent as everyone absorbed Dan’s sudden outburst. Dan couldn't hold back his sobs anymore. He put his head in his hands, and cried. He cried for Phil, and all the things they would never experience together, the future they had lost, and all the things he missed about him. He would give anything to walk into the kitchen to find Phil with his hand shoved deep in his cereal box, to walk into the lounge and trip over yet another houseplant, to wake up entangled in the arms of the person who made him happiest. The reporter looked truly uncomfortable now, and Dan almost felt sorry for her. Almost. It was her own damn fault for asking those questions. He knew the fans would go crazy over his answers, their ship was canon after all, even if one half was gone.

"I'm sorry." He apologized to the reporter. This was just her job after all. He turned to the rest of the crew. "I'm sorry, I thought I was ready to do this, but I was wrong. You can use what we already shot, I don't care, but this interview is over.

He stormed out of the building, and hailed a cab. He made a quick stop on the way, leaving the driver waiting outside, the meter ticking. 15 minutes later he pulled up outside the cemetery. He walked over to Phil and sat down. He smiled, and set a small plant next to the stone. 

"You would not believe the day I had."


End file.
